You’re growing a baby.
As time rolls forward, you’re going to have your motivated ups and
But, oh, those downs.
You might tiredly pass by the overflowing hamper or a stack of unresolved junk mail. The plants might not get watered today. Or tomorrow.
You may or may not have the type of husband that steps up to take the reigns and pick up where you’ve left off. But, either way, I’m sure you feel the guilt. Whether it’s from watching him push harder to get more done or from seeing the consequences of unattended chores pile up in every nook and cranny.
But the guilt doesn’t get you off the couch, or the bed. Instead, it makes it that much harder to move. It makes the mountain that much more insurmountable. It makes these nine months feel even longer.
If you can’t handle this, how will you ever handle it with a(nother) child?
Do you stare out the window for hours?
Does the idea of even holding your arms up to scroll Instagram discourage you?
I’ve had those days, too.
I’ll be honest. For me, it’s not every day. To those mamas, I am sincerely sorry and I’m praying for you. I know from my taste of it that it is in no way easy. It can be demoralizing and discouraging. A beat down of the highest kind during such a sensitive time.
But, trust me, it’s not about “enough.”
Not with God.
He’s entrusted you with this trying time because He knows He can bring you through it.
I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t add in some tough love and a warning.
Honey bee, you have to get up. No, not off the couch–not yet. You have to get up in
No matter how exhausted. No matter how long the unaddressed to-do list. No matter how hard a job you must do to pay the bills.
The only thing you must never compromise is your time with God. His word is the only thing with any permanent chance of realigning, redefining, and rejuvenating you.
Sure, you can believe the lie that sleep is what you need. Or some quiet time alone. But that’s just setting you up to fail more.
Yes, you need sleep–after prayer. Yes, you need quiet time–with God.
Some women are able to power through pregnancy with awe-inspiring productivity. Others are not. Neither is more worthy or valuable than the other. This is not to get you up and doing every single chore and fulfill every single expectation. This is the only true solution to what you’re dealing with–but I can’t say what the solution will look like because God’s solutions are
All I can do is tell you how to start accessing that highly, intimately customized solution that He has for you.
During my first trimester, there were days where I almost fell asleep at my desk. There were days where, suddenly, I could barely lift my arms and I succumbed to a quick nap on the floor to recharge or escape my nausea. I came home almost every day for three weeks and fell asleep until it was time to get up, walk upstairs, and go to sleep again in my bed.
I’m truly thankful Shea was in Kenya during my roughest energy month because I know the guilt of making him cook every night and seeing him do all the tidying would have made me want to escape even deeper into the bed, in shame. And he wouldn’t have even said a guilt-inducing word.
All my goals of exercising, eating right, and being productive early went out the window for about three months. I tried my best, but could only do what I could do. Laundry happened half as often. Some dishes just got rinsed in really hot water.
You know what I did?
I talked to God–and I slept on the couch. I read a few chapters of the Bible every morning–then snuck another fifteen minutes of Zs before dressing for work. I prepared to guide our Life Group while Shea was away–and napped up until thirty minutes before everyone showed up.
I don’t deserve a gold star. I’m not a Christian powerhouse. I don’t need to hear a sarcastic “good for you.”
I desperately needed those things. To chase off the lies of guilt, shame, and discouragement I needed God. Sleep only bought me a few hours of energy. Zoning out only brought me a bigger list of to-dos. Trying to push through exhaustion often just made my heart pound and my stomach sick.
God brought me peace and understanding for this newly entrusted role of mine.
The second trimester proved much easier (as experts tend to promise), full of nesting and achievements. I even sorted the herb section at Whole Foods while Shea scoped out the vegetables.
Yet the further along I trek into the third, the more out of breath the stairs make me and the more often our baby presses into something that instantly brings discomfort. Bending over the wrong way can leave my lower back a mess for hours. I have to sit and take breaks more and more often. I have things that help with all of this, but sometimes these things just don’t work and I’m down for the count for a few hours.
The less I can “do,” once again.
We’re in the midst of prepping for baby and home renovation and purging our clutter and keeping up with daily chores and leading areas of our Church.
But I need to remember my new assignment and its requirements and needs. Mama to one of God’s babies. He knows my biology. He knows the hand I’ve been dealt. He knows what I need. What my baby needs. He knows what I should not be doing and what I absolutely shouldn’t do without. His plan for me takes all of this into consideration. If I’m pursuing Him, if I’m listening, then I can hear His comfort in my heart. I can know, in my innermost parts, that I am not a failure. I can sit and sometimes be brought to tears by the realization that God’s using me to bring another life into this world and He considers this very important, very valuable.
I’m not a failure to God. I am covered by Jesus’ sacrifice, I am God’s child, and He’s bringing me through.
YOU have a new assignment, even if this is baby number twelve.
God isn’t setting you up to fail. If you ignore God, you’re doing that to yourself. God has encouraging words for you waiting in every chapter of His Bible, in every sermon from His pastors, in the comforting words of His other children. Pursue those moments with whatever energy you do have at this moment.
It may feel like it’s all falling apart–your plans, your goals, your body.
It’s not.
God holds the world together with His word. He’s got this.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
Rest doesn’t always mean instant escape from what troubles you, but it can rewire you to experience struggle entirely different than what you’re used to and overcome your pains. It’s why weightlifters can make lifting your bodyweight look effortless–they’ve changed to be able to handle it. It takes more to make them sweat.
God uses motherhood to change us–if we let Him–and bring us closer to Him, to adapt and rewire our minds to a whole new level of reality. There are lessons to be found in our exhaustion or physical limits.
So often we rely on our own energy and strength without realizing it. We lean on our own motivation and don’t even notice how infrequently we’re relying on God. And then, for some of us, all of that is zapped away by this tiny little chia seed. It’s God showing us how easily our own gifts can fail us.
You can live in the haze of loss or turn to the infinite power source that is God and ask Him to sustain you.
You’ll find His energy gets your miraculously far on miraculously little physical change.
Take comfort in knowing that growing a baby is enough.
Should it be your excuse for everything? Your reason to escape the undesirable? Justification for selfish pursuits?
Never.
But, be honest with yourself.
This is a time of reprioritization where He will readily show you where He still wants your focus and where He does not. Just, please, don’t reprioritize God right out of the equation. Don’t shut out opportunities to hear His direction.
God’s growing a baby.
And He’s using you.
Can I pray for you?
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