Being That Friend // S01E12 (EPISODE 12)

You could easily make a list of all the qualities that make a great friend, but would you put your energy into finding one or becoming one? What really makes a great friend? That’s our focus in this week’s episode.

QUESTIONS WE TOUCH ON IN THIS EPISODE:

• What are your friendships like?
• Are you being vulnerable with your friends
• Is Christ being modeled in your friendships?

VERSES FROM BEING THAT FRIEND

Psalm 51:10, Matthew 5:8, Philippians 4:13-14, Proverbs 27:5-6,  Proverbs 18:24, James 5:6

QUOTES FROM BEING THAT FRIEND

“But as a Christian, you have this option to bring life giving words. And so you can be that amazing friend. If you sit in that rather than being that stumbling block that keeps them in the dark or drags a friend who’s in the light, back into the dark with the content of the conversation, cling to Christ because he brings this joy and this wisdom and this truth.”

Michelle Watson, The Pantry Podcast, S01E12 (EPISODE 12)

“Godly friendships have godly strength. So that’s where this works.”

Shea Watson, The Pantry Podcast, S01E12 (EPISODE 12)

Transcript

Shea:  I’m really excited. And why is that? Because we’re going to talk about how you can be that amazing friend. That’s not always the easiest thing to put together. Not at all. Cause you have to look at yourself 100 the whole time. It has nothing to do with anyone else. It’s like, how am I going to be that amazing friend and what principles am I going to use to do that 

Michelle: It’s important to sit down and look at how you can be the friend that you’re looking for, because that’s so important rather than putting it all on somebody else expecting something amazing from somebody else without necessarily knowing how to be one yourself. That’s completely out of your control already, but you can control what kind of friend you are. 

Michelle: That’s why this very first friend edition of the pantry podcast is about how you can be that amazing friend before you may even have that amazing friend that you’re looking

Shea: Right. And I’m like, man, friendships, tough friendship is like things that you have to experience in friendship. It’s like, Oh my, you know, like we’ve all had friends. You have friends. I’ve had friends, praise God, right? 

Shea: And look, friends have always tested us in one way or another. And watch this. We have always tested our friends in one way or another. This is a hundred percent reflective podcast today. This is not about who they need to be, it is who you need to be in a friend in reality. Friendships should never have expectations.

Michelle: I completely agree. And you know, on Facebook, you see all those memes, like if they can’t handle you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best. And you know, you know who your real friends are during the Coronavirus. If they aren’t checking in on you and et cetera, all these things that show expectations of other people, right? 

Michelle: That just sets us up to fail. That’s what caused the law to fail at keeping us quote unquote, good. You know, it’s where grace abounds. And so it’s so important to not have all of these expectations binding up who can be your friend, because that’s actually an antithesis to the type of love that we talk about every week.

Shea: You don’t even have to have a Facebook account to have a Facebook screen in your heart, right? Oh, well they did this. Or you know, if they do this or how come it didn’t happen this way, but this all stems from one place. And that’s hard issue. I was like in Psalm 51:10, it says create in me, clean heart O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me create in me, me. Yeah. Not yo God, you need to clean their heart. Yo, no create in me a clean heart. 

Shea: I think that half of the problems that we have with anxieties and everything else that we go through and the struggles is because of something within our own heart, we have to be in that Christ centered mind frame. That Christ is enough. How many times are we saying that Jesus, grace is enough. You know, are we singing in church? It’s like, so when we get started,

Michelle: We have to model the amazing friendship that we want. And one of the best ways to do that is to look at who Jesus is to us because you can’t expect anyone to have it all together. Have it all figured out, be able to be that perfect Hollywood friend, because you know, note to self that’s a script writer, writing who they wish could be an amazing friend. And an actor is walking through the motions of being that amazing friend with a thousand takes in between. 

Michelle: That’s not reality. And so we also can’t expect ourselves to have it all together. No one does. We all have flaws. The best place to start is looking at who Christ is, right as the epitome of a friend, and then looking to ourselves to figure out what the next steps are to kind of reflect that because it’ll influence the people around you. But also then no matter what people do, it’s going to slide off you in a whole different way. And quality of life improves all around.

Shea: Oh, absolutely. And you see God for what he does in your life. When you remove the worldly expectation, then you start to have a focus towards God. And I liked that in Matthew 5:8, it says that, you know, it says that you will bless it with a pure heart. Cause you’ll see God. Cause what, what does it take though? What qualities attributes do I need? You know, to be that good friend. And there’s some stuff on there that’s borderline tough. You think of sacrifice. You think of selflessness, humility, respect a pure heart, pure thoughts, honesty, forgiveness. I mean, some of those, it’s kind of like the sins, you know, the 10 commandments, Oh, those are easy. I ain’t gotta kill nobody, but sacrifice selflessness, the humility, the respect. Sometimes those are the harder games. You know, I could sit there all day and say, well, you know, I ain’t gonna lie to my friend.

Shea: I’m gonna forgive my friend. I mean, eventually I will, if you, if you know, if you have any kind of friendship there, you know, you’re eventually forgive them, but these are qualities that need to be in place to be that kind of friend. And to go off your movie thing, I do like those movies, right? There are some good ones and you see the guy being so awkward or the girl being so awkward. You’re like, Oh, and it drives the other one away. Or, or however that works in their friendship. But then like there’s an admission point there where they sit down and they say, Oh, I felt right. And so we move forward in that. And again, you know, how do I even come close to you? I gotta be with Christ, Philippians 4:13-14 for, I can do everything through Christ. I like that word everything. That’s that’s not just friendship y’all but we’re talking about friendship day. So we’ll leave it there.

Michelle: You know, one of the hardest things is the humility that’s required in being a good friend because in Proverbs 27:5-6 it says better is open, rebuke than hidden love. And wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses and in today’s world, the enemy and our flesh have teamed up to be in love with these multiple kisses and convince people in mass. That that is what love is the flattery, the acceptance of utterly everything you do as if that’s what love is when really wounds from a friend should be able to be trusted. And you have an automatic benefit of having God and be ready to be humble and accept rebuke and offer it. But you know, it’s really easy to provide correction, but for so many of us, it’s hard to accept it. No matter who it’s coming from, take it to God and cross reference because

Shea: I was about to be like, come at me, but y’all look, this is a good time to step back away from the situation. See we like to be upfront, we get a cut and we want to like, ah, right, comfort Jesus.  Cut your ear. No, anyway, but like seriously, we, we are reactive instead of contemplated. And so sometimes you need to sit back and be thinking about it. Okay. So what happened? And you know, the best way to start is, you know, in even a rebuke either way is with God. I always take it back there. I mean, you know what I mean? I’m your husband. You said you sit around here all the time with me, but here’s what it does though. It puts a pause. It puts a pause.

Michelle: Yeah. And I think both of us have had instances. I mean, both of us are pretty strong personalities, right? I mean in different ways,

Shea: Come on this guy, you mean the number eight? No.

Michelle: Yeah. Critique my art all day. Cool. Used to that, edit my paper. Sure. Edit me, critique me, you know, offer a correction about something that I just did in passing suddenly. Now it was like this jab that was really hard to take because you know, I’m a, I’m a three, um, which, you know, we’re all about,

Shea: I see people type into their enneagrams, but there’s a lot of notable. Yeah.

Michelle: Right. But you know, I mean I’m very self worth and productivity based, right? Like what I produce is very strongly tied to myself worth. And that’s something that with Christ, it it’s freeing me from those things. But you know, the point in all of this being, I’ve had to sit and to be a better friend to Shea and to everybody else, I’ve had to come to a place where I can accept that correction. Because if you can’t accept the correction, you’re going to chase amazing friends away. And you’re not going to be an amazing friend.

Shea:I think that the military intensified that a lot because of mission. Right. Um, and I’m not using that as an excuse because I am strong. I am straightforward. I mean, I start a text and I’m like, Oh, I should put a nicety at the front, like an emoji. And I, you know, I don’t say, you know, it’s like I get up and I’m like, we need to be at the park at 10 instead of, Hey, good morning. How are you? So I, I mean, I get it, but let me tell you, I’m in Christ though. It’s amazing how you can see that personnel is that God gave us personalities, that God built in us. He created us all differently, which is cool. But when we’re in Christ, he uses what he created in a way that promotes glory. You know, it promotes friendships, self awareness to like, wait, maybe I should change a little.

Shea: And I love like if you start to build these relationships, if you start to really listen to what God is saying, and you really say, you know what, they’re more important than I am because you know, we, we always want the best for people. We say it, I want the best for people. Then I don’t know. Sometimes we turn it, but then we really do genuinely want the best for people. 

Shea: And then our selfishness prideness come to and it throws us all off, but it drives us in that direction. And it drives us into these friendships or they can drive us into these friendships. I want to be clear. I think some people have way too many friends, but that’s okay. I mean, if you’ve got lots of good friends, man, kudos to you, but it’s friendships that become closer than their own blood. I know in Proverbs 18:24, a man who has friends must himself be friendly. But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. I liked that idea that you can be with somebody like Jay. He’s my best friend, J and J and shape. We live on separate coasts yet when we sit down and talk or when we get the opportunity to be together, it’s beautiful. We talk about everything. We don’t always agree. Hey, hello. I mean, it’s just what it is. We don’t agree on everything all the time. And we fight like brothers

Michelle: I have sat there between them when they’re having an argument. And as someone who is argument and conflict averse, I’m like, I’m just going to sit here and stare at my California pizza kitchen plate CPK. 

Shea: But we love each other. But at the end of it, look, we hug it up and you know what? We don’t hold it.

Michelle:That’s what I always loved about the two of you,

Shea: Godly friendships have godly strength. So that’s where this works. That look, you probably have friends that don’t have God either way. If you trusting God, he’s going to give you the strength. I’m Ecclesiastes 4:12. I love the verse. You know, Jonathan and David, it’s a beautiful friendship where David became more important than a father. And, and the whole time it was just David and Jonathan, Jonathan met him. He’s like, man, I like this guy. And they built a relationship, a relationship of trust, a relationship to where he would go against his father, Jonathan would and tell David where he’s going and say, Hey, he’s coming this way to get you or he’s coming that way. The story read it. It’s you know where Saul is chasing David and it’s Jonathan. But what’s beautiful about that. It was just two of them. But see, they had the third and that’s where Ecclesiastes 4:12 comes in.

Shea: The one may be overpowered by another two can withstand him. And a three fold cord is not quickly broken. It was Jonathan David and God. And they had that sticky glue of God in the middle. And that is what builds friendships. Even if your friend doesn’t believe in God, they’re going to see something different in you. They’re going to see something that the world doesn’t normally say, they’re going to see someone who has this unconditional love for them. They’re going to see a relationship that no matter what comes at it, it’s there it’s trusted. They can come and say anything. I’m leaving out the advice because sometimes the advice aspect, it makes it difficult.

Michelle: Advise definitely makes it difficult. I think that that’s where I’ve struggled the most with retaining friendships that don’t have that common foundation in Christ, just because I feel really convicted. If I can’t give advice that comes from the only book and source that I know actually works. There’s depending on the opportunity, there’s a way to, to say it where you don’t have to, you know, quote the verse. But the Bible is the only way you’re going to get out of it. And so that sometimes depending on the type of friendship we used to have, it’s made it harder and it’s strained it. But then there’s other friendships that have actually strengthened everyone’s chasing light, no matter where they are or who they are, light draws people. Right? And so when I’m doing my best at shining God’s light, they come and that’s why you can be that amazing friend.

Michelle: You can have the Lord and you can put him first. When you said the David was more important to Jonathan than Jonathan’s dad was then Saul was, I was like, Oh man, you know the commandment about honoring your father and mother, but actually he was honoring his father by being so godly in his love for a friend where their friendship was based on what was true and what was right and what was godly. And so not even a father doing ungodly things could separate them. He didn’t say, Oh, well, you know, I have to kind of go with my dad on this one. Cause he’s my dad. It was what is right. What is true? And that’s what we have to do is we have to operate in what is right and what is true.

Shea: And he could have easily fell out of that. Cause the whole time that they were doing it, David kept referring back. Like he could have killed salsa several times, but he always refer back that that’s who the Lord had blessed and put in that position, he’s doing the right thing. David’s doing the right thing. Saul was out here on his own. And one thing that Saul didn’t have no shame, no shame. It would have been really easy because then wouldn’t be Bible, but got it. 

Shea: But I’m saying in our own relationships, we learn something from this. If he would have took the rebuke, he would have took an admitted that he had a problem. He would have said, yeah, you know what? I don’t have it all together. He would have never thrown spears. And this would not have been the story that we see.

Shea: But when you look at a story, you look at all aspects of this, like James 5:6, prayer of the righteous heals, confess your sins to one another and pray. I think that’s an important friendship. I think that you should never have. Cause we’re talking about ourselves now. You should never look like you always have it always together.

Shea: I think that we have to show vulnerability. We have to show our weaknesses because our friend can be our prayerful friend, right? Our friend can, can stand in the gap with us in prayer for things that we’re fighting. And so when we have these friendships, don’t always be the advisor, sometimes ask for the advice and you know, you did break it down, you know, where you get good last, where you don’t get it. Good advice. Godly advice is the best advice, but be able to sit there and say, you know what? I’m hurting. I need help here. I need help here because that’s going to show them that you’re just as part of the relationship as they are. Right.

Michelle: I really like that. Even with a friend who doesn’t have the Lord going and being open to what you’ve done wrong is a light in itself, correcting yourself in front of them. Owning up to things is important, bad company, corrupts, good character. Right? And I think sometimes we’re like, Oh, I need to stay away from bad company. We also need to not be bad company. And you can be a Christian and be bad company. You can be a stumbling block. 

MIchelle: I’m going to leave people with this in the world. A lot of the friendships when I looked back on them, no matter how positive we generally were, when we would sit down and get together, most of our conversations were sharing and revisiting on problems, complaining. There’s a psychological study that kind of confirms that doing that triggers depression in women. So those aren’t life giving words.

Michelle: But as a Christian, you have this option to bring life giving words. And so you can be that amazing friend. If you sit in that rather than being that stumbling block that keeps them in the dark or drags a friend who’s in the light, back into the dark with the content of the conversation, cling to Christ because he brings this joy and this wisdom and this truth. That’s at the root of everything that Shea said earlier, that is required to be an amazing friend is just truly relying on him first and modeling the friendship you want after the friendship.

Shea: That’s good. So remember guys submit to God. You’ll make submitting to your friends a little bit easier. It’ll make serving them a little easier. It’ll make the commitment easier. Thank you for tuning in today. It’s a, I know there’s a lot of man. We could here for a long time and talk about this because I think that we all go through this at times, but just remember, man, you can do it. You can be that amazing friend. Learn what God wants you to do. Amen.

Michelle: Amen. Remember to drop us a comment on the pantry podcast or wherever you are streaming from. Check us out on Facebook. We do live prayer nights and mornings from time to time and exciting news starting in season two, we will do the occasional live broadcast of the podcast. So just stay tuned and we’d love to hear from you. Bye.

KEYWORDS: FRIENDSHIP, FRIENDSHIP BIBLE VERSES, GOOD FRIENDS