When you lose everything // S05E12

On Today’s episode, Jessica Spruel recounts her past of bitterness, loss, and pain. How God took it all, everything she had to free her and to bless her in ways she couldn’t see coming. In a story full of revival and redemption Jessica recounts the pleads of her heart that were answered to lead her to where she is now. Jessica now lives in full trust and with everlasting hope that anything is truly possible. She sees God’s hand in everything and lives with contagious joy. She is a perfect example of how letting go and letting God is the best way to live.

VERSES FROM A FUTURE AND A HOPE:

Psalm 16:11, 1 Peter 5:10, Ezekiel 36:25-30.

QUESTIONS FROM A FUTURE AND A HOPE:

• What happens when God takes it all away?
• How do you keep going when you feel defeated?
• Defeating suicidal thoughts.

QUOTES FROM A FUTURE AND A HOPE:

“I’m just always super happy when it comes to Jesus, because I want everybody to experience what I have.”

Jessica Spruel, The Pantry Podcast, A Future and A Hope.

“God chose to take it all away. All the things that were signs of your effort, he took them all away, all of your work, all your life away. And only then could he wake you up and be like, now it’s my turn.”

Michelle Watson, The Pantry Podcast, A Future and A Hope.

“He never turns on his children. He never turns on his chosen people, his Royal priesthoods. We’re Royal priesthood. I mean, come on y’all this is what God gives us. This is the grace that God provides us.”

Shea Watson, The Pantry Podcast, A Future and A Hope.

ANNOTATED TRANSCRIPT:

Michelle: Sometimes when it rains, it pours. Have you ever been in a situation where nothing goes right? And really everything is going terribly, terribly wrong. Jessica Spruel couldn’t seem to fill the void in her life, no matter how hard she tried and had to lose nearly everything before coming face to face with the only way out of the darkness this week, we talk about the promise of our futures and the root of our hope. 

Shea: Hey, I’m Shea

Michelle: and I’m Michelle.

Shea: There is a battle being waged. It’s not flesh, it’s not blood, it’s spiritual, and we need to be prepared. The last thing a warrior wants on the battlefield is spiritual anemia. So when the enemy attacks, we need to be prepared, 

Michelle: Well, we don’t always realize where the attacks are coming from or that we’re being attacked at all. This is the pantry podcast, and we’re here to remind you of who we answer to what we’re capable of, and how we are called to do it in every aspect of our lives. 

Shea: Season five and naturally flourish. We’re gearing up. We’re season four, left off looking at God’s unusual, amazing and miraculous methods of elevating relocating, and redeeming us into his purpose in ways the world can’t access, 

Michelle: Support our ministry, reaching the lost and found in over 35 countries with spiritual and literal nutrition. Every one time and recurring donation makes a lasting impact donate through Patreon or the pantrypodcast.com. And now let’s dig into the meal.

Shea: All right. Hey, hi, I’m ecstatic! Nah, I’m excited! It really didn’t taste right. You know, sometimes things just don’t taste right. Get them out of your pantry. Today, like every other time, cause I’m always excited when it comes to just being able to sit down with people and just talk real-life real, real, and what washes real answers to life through Jesus Christ and you know, today’s episode a future and a hope. And I think that we’re going to hear a really, really cool story to have a great conversation with someone that can just speak to this 

Michelle: Today. We have someone I’m just gonna give you the backstory. Before I even introduce her, I met her in a Christian wives and moms Facebook group back when we first started the pantry. So it’s really fitting that just over a year later. Uh, we’re welcoming her on the show, but I asked for prayer because I’m a very suspect Instagram account had liked She’s page was actually a witch’s Instagram account. And so when I had looked to say like, who’s this, I was just moved to pray for her and her family. Not necessarily us for protection. And I recruited many others to pray too, cause I just felt moved. And when I did, so Jessica was one of the very first to type out a full-blown prayer. And I just knew for some reason I didn’t friend everyone, but I was like, Hey, I know it’s weird to just friend you out of nowhere, but you know, I just felt compelled to, and uh, I’ve, I’ve gotten to know her a little more. 

Michelle:  And Jessica has been through a lot in her life. She was, she started out in the foster care system and was later adopted at the age of 12. Right now. She actually has her own 11-year-old daughter. Um, but throughout her life, she’s faced a lot of challenges, but got saved in 2015 and she was able to find her purpose. And what’s really cool is that she’s currently in the process of starting a business to mentor adults who are once foster children that are still living with negative emotions because of being in the foster care system. So welcome Jessica. It’s great to have you. 

Jessica Spruel,: Thank you so much. It’s so good to be here. Thank you for the opportunity to share my story. Of 

Shea: Course, that’s, of course, we, we, we love hearing these turning point stories where there was a turning point where like sometimes it’s rock bottom. Sometimes. Maybe you’re not quite that far down, but we, we fall on that rock of Jesus Christ and in that rock of Jesus Christ, that’s where it stops. And from that moment on it moves forward and sees, God has a purpose though. He purposes everything, you know, and I was thinking, when we’re talking about this, this episode is about Ezekiel 36. And you know, when you look at the first few verses, it’s pretty much God tell him telling people how holy he is and how he is going to be the one that scene it’s like, he’s going to use them to be seen. But really when I’m thinking of these turning points, right, because it’s forgotten this turning point is to shine on God’s greatness. 

Shea: That’s all there for he’s using us. He’s using us. And so as Ezekiel 36:25-30, it’s like it says, then I will sprinkle clean water, see that water is grace right on you. And you shall be clean. I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you. I will take the hardest stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh, right? I will put my spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes and you will keep my judgments and do them. Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave your fathers. You shall be my people. I will be your God. See, we’re no longer foreigners, right? I will deliver you from all your uncleanliness. I will call the grain and multiply it. I will bring no famine upon you. And I will multiply the fruit of your trees and increase your fields so that you need never need again, bear the reproach of famine. See God takes these turning points and just pours down on us. Yeah. Yeah. That’s 

Michelle: That’s what this entire season has been about. It’s how he just snatches us out of all of the mess that we’ve put ourselves in all the mess that others have put us in and gives us this opportunity to walk with him, serve him, be redeemed by him, be renewed by him. So, I mean, just, just start us off with, you know, who, who are you in the, in relation to this? Like where, where have you come from and where are you now? 

Jessica Spruel: Absolutely. Um, so I went to church all my life as a young girl, you know, I’m, I’m from the country. And so my grandmother, when I was in foster care, I was in foster care at a really young age. And she always made us go to church, you know? Um, and although I went to church all my life, uh, when I was younger, you never really know God, you just know of him. I just like meeting somebody, but you don’t really know them. And then as life goes on, you know, all of these challenges come in and the world starts trying to tell you who you are. Right. You know, I got to a certain point in my life where I felt like I was lost. I didn’t know who I was in the person. And I remember meeting God for the first time. That’s why I got saved in 2015. Although I knew him all of my life. I didn’t know him until 2015

Shea: There’s this transition and this turning point, but how did we get there? And so maybe just break that unpack a little bit for us. 

Jessica Spruel: So, uh, once I was adopted, we moved from the country to Raleigh, uh, and everything was going well, my mom, she had an in-home daycare and um, my dad at the time he was working hard. And so we had a pretty good life. And then a few years later they got divorced. And actually, later on down the road, I found out that my dad did not want to adopt me. And my sister. It explained a little bit why he wasn’t really active in our lives because she wanted children and they told her she couldn’t have children. That’s why she adopted me and my sister. And then after she signed the adoption papers, she found out she was pregnant. I remember when the baby was born, it was like, I felt like, you know, she worked at her child. I even moved into her room to help take care of her child when she had her second task, her second child. 

Jessica Spruel:  And I don’t know, I kind of felt like I was a slave and I didn’t, when all of this was happening, I thought it was normal. Um, but the older I got, I realized that you know, once I got saved and God helped me to or gave me, you know, allowed me to forgive everyone in my past, I realized that there was a pain in her life that hadn’t been dealt with. And that’s why, you know, that’s, and that’s why it’s so important to forgive because you don’t know why someone is doing something. Um, and so it was just, it was, it was a really hard time because I felt like a slave. Um, but I didn’t understand why I was being put through what I was getting put through. Once the divorce happened, we moved around a lot, but there was really no connection, I didn’t really know what level is, you know, I had never really had love. 

Jessica Spruel:  Um, and so I was also bitter, you know, I always wondered, you know, where’s my real mom, why does it, why hasn’t she come back? Right. Um, where’s my real dad, you know, I heard he’s alive. Where is he? Right. I used to ask myself that all the time, like why, why doesn’t anyone want us? So growing up, I always had that bitterness and I was always angry. I used to run away from home. I wouldn’t go far, but I would, I would run down the street and I would just cry. Like, there’s been plenty of times where it would be raining outside and I would just run outside and run as far as I could. And I would just cry because I felt so sad that my, my real mom didn’t want me. Um, and we were even told that, you know, she has the opportunity to get you all back, but she hasn’t done what she’s supposed to do to get you back. 

Jessica Spruel: My mom had got me a job at age of 14, so I truly have friends. And that really took a toll on my life as well. Um, because there were people want it to be that rank who want it to be a part of my life, but they couldn’t because I was always working. Um, and when I would get paid, I would give my mom my money over in high school. I actually wrote a suicide note. Um, and I had just decided that I wanted to just end it all because in the back of my mind, I felt like I should have been treated better than I was being treated. And so, um, you know, I don’t know where I got the idea of love from. Um, but I was just thinking to myself like this can’t be love. I’m not, I’m not being loved. Like I’m supposed to be loved. 

Michelle: You were like, I’m not going to let this happen to my daughter. Cause you mentioned you have an 11-year-old daughter and she’s almost the age that you were when you were adopted. Like what have you done to kind of circumvent? What happened in your life, the lessons you had to learn? Like how are you raising her differently? 

Jessica Spruel:   I’m making sure that I’m there. Um, that I am active in being the best mom that I can be being the best person that I can be. Um, because when I was able to be healed, you know, once God fully healed me, I was able to see there’s so much better than what I have. And I want her to see the greater, I want her to be able to know that you don’t have to go through what I went through and she knows some of my stories, but, but not all of it, but, um, I definitely raise her and I’m always there. I’m always listening. I make sure that I’m, I make conscious decisions when she comes to, comes to me constantly throughout the day, and just gives me a hug randomly. And I love that because that’s not something that I had with my mom. And, you know, when you’re younger, when you get into this habit of whatever you see, that’s what you get. That’s all, you know, it really helped me to see that, you know, giving the love that God gave to us, you know, uh, making sure that I’m trying to give her that as well. 

Shea: Did you ever feel like maybe you were hiding from God before you came, you know, like 2015 you were saved, right. So there had to be a point in your life where you’re like, God is watching me. And, and I know from my own experience at like that always drove me to the wrong side because I was always running. Did you ever feel like that, like maybe you were running from God? 

Jessica Spruel:   Absolutely. I did. Uh, several times, you know, it was like always that voice. And then I didn’t know it was called the holy spirit, but that was saying, you know, you shouldn’t be doing this, don’t do that. Do you know? And, and I remember after I graduated, I chose to go, I chose a smaller school, the financial aid lady called after the credits. Um, your parents would have to pay $9,000 out of pocket. And so my mom was like, oh, well, unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of money. So you’re just going to have to find something else to do. So I decided to just work and I got it. I got a full-time job at Goodwill, even then I was still paying her bills and I didn’t have any money to myself or for myself. I felt like I didn’t have a life. I didn’t have any friends because my friends that I did have in high school had gone on to college. 

Jessica Spruel: I remember getting to a point in my life where I said, I’m just fed up. I want to just run away. And so that’s pretty much what I did. I was working with a lady whose mom owned some houses because she housed, uh, the elderly. So I moved into one of her houses. Then it was kind of like I started going down this road because I didn’t have any experience in life. You know, I didn’t have a lot of friends and things like that. So I started going down this little hole, I would say in, in somehow I ended up in Atlanta and I ended up being there for like a month and a half by myself. And, Christmas came and I didn’t have any money. And, I ended up being able to get in touch with my sister who got in touch with my uncle, whose girlfriend had a family member in Atlanta. 

Jessica Spruel: So they came and picked me up. That was actually where I had gotten pregnant. You know, I tried to go back to school. I moved with some family members, myself and my daughter. We actually moved over 22 times after she was born. We had her grandmother on her, her dad’s mom. Uh, she was really nice. She allowed us to move in with her. We moved to Charlotte. I started working at a nightclub as a bottle girl. Then eventually I left her home. Then I didn’t have any furniture. The only piece of furniture I had was my daughter’s bed. And, um, I remember saying God, like, I just don’t feel like this is what I’m supposed to do with my life. I feel like I’m just empty. I was barely making it. I couldn’t afford my rent. And I said, uh, you know, Lord, just help me. 

Jessica Spruel: Give me a sign of, you know, where, what, what do I need to do that week? I was supposed to go to a nightclub one night and I went over to one of my coworker’s houses. She wanted to go with me. She was on the phone. Someone kept calling her. She got really scared and really afraid. And I said, what’s wrong. And all of a sudden we hear this car outside and it’s like loud screeches. And that’s my ex boyfriend. And I was like, okay, well, you know, we’re about to be late and we have to go. And, um, she was just really scared and I couldn’t understand why she was so scared. We get down to the car and she begged me to drag with her and he’s standing by her door and he pulls out his gun and he shoots the gun in the air. 

Jessica Spruel:  I just, I just knew I was going to die. Um, but I said, I was like, God, please, please help me. Do you know? And, and of course, that was one of the moments where, you know, even got to know, God, I need to call his name. Right. You know, it was like, God, please, please. And, um, so we ended up getting out of that situation. And so Monday morning I wake up and go down the steps. I was on my way to take my daughter to daycare and uh, come to find out my car was repossessed a week, goes by. And so my supervisor called me and said, I’m going to have to let you go because you missed the week of work. And then not even a week after that, I had been evicted. Wow. Because I was bitter because I had unforgiveness in my heart. And along the way, I burned so many bridges when it came to relationships with people because of that bitterness, because of the unforgiveness in my heart, I couldn’t call anybody. And so I remember meeting this girl and she was a stripper and she introduced me to that life. I was horrible at it. I couldn’t figure it out. 

Jessica Spruel: That was horrible. Thank you. I’m so glad I didn’t do well. And so I remember saying like, this is, this is not what I’m wanting to do with my life. This is not at all. What I want to do with my life. I called my sister. She was in a Rocky marriage, but I knew that you know, she would help me. So I moved with my sister and this was back in 2015. The turning point happened here. When I got to my sister’s house, I was there for about a month. My daughter, her dad had called me and he asked if she could visit. And so I said, okay, that’s fine. She can go with you for a week. And then I need her to come back because I want to spend time with her. And I talked to him every day for a week. 

Jessica Spruel:   And then that Saturday came and he said, um, I want her to stay for another week. You know, we’re having so much fun with her. And I said, okay, but after this week she has to come back. Next Saturday, he stopped answering his phone. I called his mom. Um, I called his sister way, sir. It didn’t have a car. I didn’t have a job. So I couldn’t go to, I couldn’t just up and go. And at the time my sister, her and her husband, they only had one car and he needed it, he didn’t work. Uh, so she couldn’t take me. She didn’t have any money. Give me to take a train or anything like that. And I didn’t know where he lived. Of course, I started to panic when I couldn’t get in touch with him. And so I got a call from her dad’s brother. 

Jessica Spruel: Hey, Jessica, I was just calling to see, I thought you moved to Raleigh. Um, and I said, I did. I moved to Raleigh. She said, well, why is Elijah? Which is my daughter’s. And she said, why is she here going to school in Charlotte? So basically they enrolled her in school there. Wow. And so I remember calling the police, calling the sheriff. There’s nothing. There’s nothing we can do because he has just as much right. As you have. And so I didn’t understand that. I said, so you’re telling me he can just keep her and not bring her back. And he said, yes, ma’am unless you have documentation, unless you have custody. There’s nothing we can do. From there. I went into this really deep depression one night. 

Jessica Spruel: I said, you know what? I can’t handle this pain. This is too much. I mean, I cried myself to sleep every single night. And so I said, you know, if I can’t have my daughter, then what’s the point of living. I’m just going to go into the room. I’m not going to tell my sister and just take myself out. I text one of my cousins that I was already close to. I told her it was going on and what was going through my head and what I was about to do. And she said, your daughter wouldn’t want you to do that. And your daughter needs you. And like, like, well, she’s, she’s so young and she’s not here, you know? And I can’t get her back. And so, cause in my mind, I’m thinking I’m never going to see her again. I’m never going to get rid of that. 

Jessica Spruel: You know, she was trying to talk me out of it, but I was like, there’s really nothing you can say. And she didn’t even call me. We were just texting. And then there was someone else that I knew that had a nonprofit organization, um, for suicide awareness. I messaged him on Instagram. He sent this long passage. I read it. It was like, there was no hope. Right. I remember putting my phone down and I said, I’ve heard about you. I don’t know if you’re real. I don’t know if you like it, I can’t see you. I can’t feel you. You’re not, you’re not here. Let’s say that. You’re always there, even though I can’t see you or, you know, the song say that you know, when I was a little girl in church, I heard that you know, and, and so if you are real, I need you to help me because you are literally the only option you are the last resort before I do this. 

Jessica Spruel: And all of a sudden like this peace came over me. It was, it was so strange. I was just, it was, it was just this peace. And I started crying like harder. And it was just like hard crying. And I was just in the floor, laid out, crying so hard. I remember, um, just filling that piece. And I remember the next day I ran to my sister and I said, I have to get a Bible. I remember I started to read it and I didn’t understand it. But I asked that for understanding. And he gave me understanding, but I was still crying myself to sleep at night, but it wasn’t there wasn’t that depression wasn’t there anymore. Um, he, he told me that he said, you know, stick with me and I will walk you through this entire thing. And so he, he got my spirits back up enough for me to get a job. 

Jessica Spruel: And it was funny because I was one of those people. Yes. I would never take the bus. How do people take the bus? I had to take two buses to work. And, um, he was with me. And the crazy thing is I was like, guys, like, I don’t, I don’t want to take the bus, but I know I have to. And I just need you to prove to me that you’re with me on this bus. And it was so funny. Like I would just pray for small things. I would say that like, show me this, show me this. I can do this in front of that. And he would do it every time I remember on the bus. I said like if you’re here, God, like, I need you to show me. And this lady in front of me, she turned around, she was an old lady. She said, can you help me with my phone. Somebody just called me. I don’t know who it was. And so I helped her and she said, God, bless you so much. God loves you. And I was like, you know, like, wow, like so many instances happened like that. And so, um, so I got a job. I started to work and then I filed the custody papers. Um, after I filed the custody papers, there was like a whole process we had to go through, but I didn’t see my daughter for 10 months. And, um, we went through the custody, and her father never came to any of the mediation meetings. He just called on the phone. And then when it was time for the court date, I remember going into the courthouse and I didn’t know if it was gonna be a lot of people there or not, but it was only one person there that was the judge. 

Jessica Spruel: Well, three ourselves, the judge, and the sheriff before I went into there, I prayed. And I was like, God, I know you got this. Like, you show me who you are. You show me what you can do. Like, I have no doubt in my mind that you’re gonna, this is gonna work out in my favor. And so after she finished her, my story, she said, I am granting you full custody of your daughter. He will have no visitation rights whatsoever. Um, you can go and get her today if you want to. And so that was, that was the turning point to my whole life. That’s how I knew that God was real. And that’s how I knew that. I mean him confirming over and over and over again that, you know, he is who he says he is. Yeah, 

Shea:  I’m listening. Right. And it’s just like, wow. Another one of those amazing stories of just like, it’s almost amazing how God will remove things. And as she, and as you’re talking, right, Jessica, it’s, you’re talking, it’s like, you’re reflecting back. It’s kind of like, uh, you know, it’s like, not that bad. It’s just, it’s just reflection. Do you know? It’s like, it’s like, wow, this is the time I went through. Right. But the minute you started talking about how God started, or I say, God, it starts taking things away. Look, he takes your car. He takes your house. He even looked as bad as this might sound. He even allowed the daughter to go. Right. And it was almost like you’re sitting there in this position of I can do no more. And then that I get a little slash in it, which makes it across. And you call and you call out to God, you know? And it’s like, yo God. Oh. And then her, her whole, her whole persona changed. It was like, it was like, cause I was, I was like, we start talking about Jesus and we get excited because you 

Shea:  Know what, you know, the whole thing this whole you’ve been talking about, look enslaved, you know, um, you’re, you’re talking about, you know, not knowing the right kind of love. You’re talking about all this busy, uh, bitterness and all this, watch this, all this wrath and all this anger and all this clamor and all this slander. Right. And it’s like, we would never know how to put those things away. Like Ephesians tells us to, but see the cross came into it. And to hear that and to hear this transition. So where are you today? I mean like 2015, man. It’s like, you turn it on. Right. And it’s like, and, and I don’t think that water stops flowing. I’ll bet that water, that living waters flowing right out. 

Jessica Spruel:  Absolutely all the time and today. Um, so myself and my daughter, we’ve been, we’ve had our own place for three years now when we, I just signed a 30-year lease. And this was something that I prayed for because before we moved here, we were living with someone in Morrisville. I was renting a room for $700 a month. It was a small room. And I remember saying, God, this is going to be the last time that I’m going to have to live with somebody else. I decree and declare that the next time that I move, it will be the time where it will be stable for myself and my daughter. And we’d been here for three years. Um, so I’m just, I’m just so grateful, but he’s done so many wonderful things in my life. And I’m one of those I’m not going to say, what’s the word. 

Jessica Spruel:  Like, I’m just always super happy when it comes to Jesus because I want people to, I want everybody to experience what I have. I’m extreme. Sometimes I’m like, well, God said, so that’s what I believe like and omega the beginning and the end, the first and the last, the great I am. I am that. I am like, I mean, yes, we go through, we’re going to go through things, but don’t, we know that that comes to make us stronger and gives him glory. Like he can’t get the glory. If we don’t go through anything, everything was perfect. He wouldn’t get the glory, you know? And so I’m just, I’m always excited about what that’s going to do next because he never ceases to blow my mind. Oh, man.

Michelle:  I love it because the idea of flourishing in the world is like, okay, step one, get a job. No, wait, step four, step one. A lot of people would say is like, cut all the bad ties. Right. And it’s like, you had been burning bridges, but the way you were describing it, a lot of these bridges it’s like, it made sense to burn them. Right. A lot of these bridges it’s like, well, something happened. And so step one, you know, get all the haters out, get all the bad influence that, you know, whatever. Step two, get a job. Right. And it’s like, okay, cool. You did that step through like, get a car, get a place, you know, and you were doing all these things and it just kept failing over and over. Like the world’s way of flourishing was not doing it. And in the world, no one thinks that such a drastic purge of all these things that the world says, you need to thrive. 

Michelle: Like God chose to take it all away. Right. All the things that were signs of your effort, he took them all away, all of your work, all your life away. And only then could he wake you up and be like, and now it’s my turn. Right? And then he just, he’s taken you. I mean, I’ve, we’ve been Facebook friends for about a year. And to see just every photo, this beautiful smiling face. And it’s like, it’s not one of those people. You’re like, oh, they’re just faking it. It’s like, yeah, we don’t smile all the time. But just, I said this about Shea at the beginning of this season, in the photos of him, he’s always been a happy smiley guy. But the, when I look back and Facebook photos of him before he had Christ, I’m like, that was like an empty smile. 

Michelle: It was a smile. And at the moment you had some happiness, but to see his photos now, even when he’s kind of barely smiling, it’s so much more life and light. And it makes me think your story makes me think of 1 Peter 5:10, and the God of all grace who called you to his eternal glory in Christ. After you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong firm, and steadfast. And that’s exactly what happened. You know, it’s just like, it seemed like nothing could help you. Right. It seemed like no matter what you did, it just was failing. And then like he steps in and things that seem impossible. Just the roads paved, you know, the thickets cleared. It’s amazing. 

Michelle: Claim His promises as your, you know, and I love how energetic, like you literally lit up, like you were, you’re wearing yellow. People can’t see this, but you’re wearing yellow and you were saying stuff and it was like, you could tell you were in it, like Shay said. And it’s like all of a sudden it’s like, bam. Like all of a sudden I see the yellow. When you started talking about Christ, I see the glow of your smile. And I’m just like, it’s, it’s, it’s a turning point. Even in our own testimony, the longer we spend, you know, thinking back on all of the bad. And what I really appreciate is your like, as you’re sharing your story, you mentioned, um, you know, sorry to kind of be all over the place. This stuff’s just coming back. It proves you don’t spend a lot of time sitting in this. 

Michelle: You don’t cause like, I mean, for the longest time outside of Christ, I had me, my story to tell and like his mine had to do with guys. And so like when my friends want it, like they always want to talk about the problems. And so I had my script down of like, here’s my tragic history. Right. And I could just bang it out, but like now I barely think of it. I barely talk about it. And it would take me just as much effort to get it out. I know when I came to Christ and I will excitedly start talking about it. I love that, you know, last season was unnaturally nourished, which this, this part of your story could very well have fallen in that as well. But what I like is your plans. Now, this, this business endeavor you’re embarking on with the Lord to pass back and reach and grab people, you know? And, and I want to hear more about that. 

Jessica Spruel: Absolutely. I mean, first I want to say, so, um, when you talk about my smile, uh, something that the holy spirit has been saying to me over and over again because I think he’s leading me to do something else as well. Um, the frown behind the smile, because there are so many people walking around and they’re smiling, but there’s a frown behind it that the world can’t see. Um, but yeah, what, the last year I had started a business, well, in 2019, God had given me a vision. I want it to help people just find their purpose in life because I feel like we all have a purpose, but then COVID came. Right. And so, uh, I decided, well, you know, I prayed about it and I shut it down. And so then I kind of started freelancing, doing different things. Um, because I, I stay here home I’m with my daughter, she’s in virtual learning. 

Jessica Spruel: And, um, I started praying and I’m like, you know, God, yeah, I’m doing all this freelancing and stuff, but like, what do you want me to do? Like, I know that you put me here for a reason, you know, what do you want me to do? And so he, um, he threw someone else, um, that I met on the clubhouse app. She spoke to me and, um, was just confirming a lot of things. So I was like, that is just using social media all over the place. She, uh, she had confirmed something for me. And so, uh, God told me basically that he wanted me to reach back and help those who have been in the foster care system because some have made it, you know, they went through, they had it worse than I did. Um, I was lucky enough to get adopted. 

Jessica Spruel:  And to some children, they wished they could have gotten adopted, but they didn’t. And so they stayed in the system until 18/19. Um, but when you’re in the foster care system, you have a lot of questions in your head, even if you don’t think you do, there are questions there. You know, why, why did my parents want me, you know, why did this happen? Why did this happen? And so, um, that starts to, to, uh, build rejection and fear and unforgiveness and bitterness and things like that. And you take that into your adulthood and you’re, you’re not healed. And so it leads you to go down the wrong path in life, which is what happened to me. And so I just want to reach back and help those who are now adults, but they feel like they’re not healed because of what happened in the past. Some people like to bring their past into the future or into prison. Um, and that’s not a good thing to do because it’s just going to hold you back from living out your purpose. I definitely want to, I want to see everybody healed. 

Shea: Everybody was just right. I like that. I like being able to give back. I like these turning points. I like the fact that right here, while we’re talking, you get to see it, even though it’s happened already, you get to see it through. You get to hear it. You get to hear the turning point. You get to actually feel it, experience it. Um, because I think it’s important. Understanding all that there is a time or a per, uh, let me just rephrase this. There is someone out there who can help you turn. And his name is Jesus. And his name is Jesus. And, and, and whether you’re listening right now, and you’re a believer, or you’re not a believer, um, those turning points continue to happen. He is constantly working as he, we leave him. If anything, we turn on him. He never turns on us. 

Shea: He never turns on his children. He never turns on his chosen people, his Royal priesthoods, right? We’re Royal priesthood. I mean, come on y’all but this is what God gives us. This is the grace that God provides us. And just hearing these stories and hearing that you’re, you’re ready to give back and start really pouring into people who need this message who need this message that will get them through, you know, and not just get them through, not just get them through, but nourish and flourish them. And I have just loved hearing any, all that you’ve said, and I’m going to, I want one, two monitor, two minutes. I want to hear something like if someone was standing in front of you right now, and they’re having this foster care struggle, right. Or they came from foster care, what would be, cause you know, we don’t get a lot of time. And I think that’s why I say two minutes. I’m going to put you on the spot here. I love it though. But sometimes we don’t have a lot of time. So in that two minutes, what would you tell somebody? 

Jessica Spruel: Although it looks like they’re defeated. Although it feels like they’re defeated, they’re not. And then they have a bright future ahead of them and they can’t do it on their own. They need Jesus to do it because he is the one that will give them all the resources, all tools that they need to help them move forward in life. And that they’re not failing. They’re not anybody’s because society has branded them that way, but it’s not true. They are somebody. And there are people that got assigned them to you to help. But first, they have to allow him to help them and just keep going forward every day, put one foot in front of the other. I have a motto that I always tell myself step by step, day by day, moment by moment. And even in those moments in those days, God is always with you. Even when you don’t feel like he’s there, he’s there. 

Shea: I like that. What a great conversation. Um, I think I’m going to wrap with just one verse because I think that, that we, um, this is what we’ve been talking about, right? Then, when we’re, when we’re talking about what, what happened in Jessica’s life or in our own lives, or maybe your life that you’re someone who’s listening or, or maybe you’re going through this right now, you know, we do believe this because we believe because of not just because we’re saying it, but because God has shown it, he, hasn’t just, it’s not something that’s unseen in our lives. It’s something that we have experienced. It’s something that we see constantly manifesting itself into truth, Psalm 16:11, right? It says you will show me the path of life in your presence is fullness of joy at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. When I found God when Jessica found God when Michelle found God, when we commit our lives to Christ, we found those pleasures that were void and lost. 

Michelle: Thank you, Jessica. Yeah. Thank you so much for being here. Yes. And, uh, we’re gonna, we’re going to be adding links that you can connect with Jessica on her social media, in the show notes to remember to go to the pantrypodcast.com to get more resources from this episode, as well as find out how you can connect with us a little bit more connected with our guests a little bit more, and of course, request prayer whenever you want. So until next time. Bye 

Shea: Bye. Awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for sharing it.

KEYWORDS: LOSS. LOSING EVERYTHING. PLEADS OF OUR HEART. WALK BY FAITH. HE IS NOT FINISHED. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. HAVE FAITH. DON'T GIVE UP. YOU ARE NOT DEFEATED.